Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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