Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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