you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
