I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
