It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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