She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
