Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
