So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
