So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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