$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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