her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize