i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
