I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
