I puked a lego.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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