It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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