I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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