If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
