Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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