he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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