Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize