It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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