Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
