Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
