i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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