Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
