That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
