so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
