he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
