It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
