my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I need to calm my uterus...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
