just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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