About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
