too bad you live with your parents still
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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