remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
