He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
