I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
