Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
