I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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