My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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