If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my liver is dry heaving
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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