Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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