They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Randomize
