my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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