Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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