Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize