I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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