So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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