i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
