I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
