Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
