I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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