Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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