I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think my mom watched the whole time
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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