you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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