how can u be prego again
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
