Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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