If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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