Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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