I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
