she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can you bring me the toilet please
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
