I wanna bring you to show and tell
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
