so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She even gives head with a lisp.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want nice things and good sex
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am available for nakedness
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
