my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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