He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
