So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
