just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
