Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
