I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize