I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
