You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
