wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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