There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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