I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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