If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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