I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm jealous of your bromance
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize