She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
