do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
this is an emotional support booty call
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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