The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
