I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
