remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
