I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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