Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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