i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
