In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize