you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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