So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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