where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
