so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
