we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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