By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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