Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
