the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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